Birth of Lies JunxKenji
by isawbilly
Summary: I dared to say his name again but he was making it near impossible with how urgently his mouth moved to capture mine. Swallowing my words before I could even say them. Kissing hard and moving fast.


WARNING! MPREG IS MENTIONED! Don't worry I killed off this demon child because trust me, I hate male pregnancy stories but this ended up being a commission. Blame their movie.

I couldn't face him. Every time our eyes met I felt myself lose all color and slump into a hollow state. My stomach would churn as my head spun as I would try to speak. I couldn't bring myself to tell him. He was so happy with the news that he promised the world to me, to our future. I couldn't ruin it. Always had a smile on his face too, not one that was just painted on. It was real. I couldn't ruin this for my boyfriend, my Kenji.

A few weeks ago I had lost our baby. It was still within the first trimester but the attachment had already formed. Not just with me but with Kenji as well. Every time we were together he would hold me close, brushing my hair away from my face with one hand while another rubbed crescent moons against my stomach with gentle strokes. Just seeing him makes me think of how I have disappointed him even though he doesn't know it yet. I bite back the tears as we fall asleep so he doesn't see the internal struggle I am battling.

Eventually he would find out. It's not like I could keep this a secret for too long. Eventually he would wonder why my stomach hasn't grown or why I wasn't preparing for the little miracle. Sooner or later I would have to spill the beans but I keep hesitating every time I get the chance. I want to stop this charade but find it near impossible. The moment I decide to confront Kenji my mouth runs dry as tears swell up in my eyes. Forcing me to run to the bathroom to recompose myself so he wouldn't find out.

Today he had left me alone in his apartment. He claimed he had errands to run asking me if I would like to join him. I declined his offer though, using the excuse of being too tired. Understanding and somewhat feeling sorry for, what he thinks to be, his pregnant boyfriend he left me with a chaste kiss before dashing out the door.

Standing up I walk to the balcony door and watch as he rushes down the street, most likely heading to the market. I watched him go out of sight before returning to the couch. It felt good to rest though. My head was hurting anyways. A subtle ache but the kind that pop up and stay, nagging at you the whole day. Groaning I let my hands run down my face before slapping them on the tops of my thighs. I needed to tell someone. This whole situation has been plaguing my mind for too long and eating away at my soul.

Leaning back I pull my phone out of my pocket. If I should talk to anyone it would be Shou. He was in fact the first to find out I was pregnant in the first place, so he should be the first to know this too. Dialing I wait as it rings a few times before he answers.

"Hello?"

"Hello. Are you busy?"

"Well… I have someone over but if it's important that doesn't matter."

"….I need to talk to someone."

"Do you want to meet up?"

"Yeah. Lunch?"

"Sure, we can go to the place down the street from my house. Where are you?"

"At Kenji's, it won't take me that long."

"Ok, see you soon."

Quickly I grab my cardigan off of the chair and the hat that I left on the counter from last night. Taking a sticky note I scribble a message for Kenji saying I was out with Shou for lunch. In case he returned before me. I believed that's all I needed. I wasn't trying to look presentable so there wasn't a need for me to dress up for the occasion. I have a hat on, so I don't need to fix my hair. So really, I'm set.

Soon I find myself sitting on a metal chair underneath the shade of an oversized umbrella. Sipping a mocha cappuccino while nibbling on a sprinkled donut. Might as well enjoy it before everyone knows it's not just cravings. Within a few minutes the shorter one arrived giving a small wave as we caught each other's gaze. Smiling he took the seat across from me as he pushed his sunglasses up to sit on top of his head.

Suddenly he lost that smile though.

"You don't look so good Jun. What's wrong?" Damnit to hell. Small one is either getting better at reading emotions or I just look plain pathetic. Ignoring his question I try to form an answer that would avoid the real problem. I was drawing blanks. With shaking hands I grabbed my cup and took a sip from it trying to buy myself more time. "You really shouldn't drink coffee when you're pregnant."

I looked down, he looked up. Nervous I glanced up and our eyes stared into each others trying to figure out the puzzle. No words were coming from either of us but we knew what was unfolding. I was about to break. "Jun… What's going on?" He seemed worried, maybe even a bit scared as his voice suddenly got quiet and his eyebrows furrowed together. "I… Shou… I-" My words turned into mush as my chest tightened. All the hidden sadness was bubbling back up and it was inevitable that I was going to cry.

Shou scooted his chair closer to mine and leaned in close. "You know you can tell me." A hand sat at my knee squeezing gently to assure me of his trust. Sucking in air I chip at the nail polish on my fingers. I had to tell him, I couldn't keep this to myself any longer. I would lose my sanity if I did. "Shou. I lost the baby."

Relief, I felt relief as I said those words. They finally left my lips and brought the heaviness off my chest. Though I still haven't told the most important person of all. Looking over I see Shou staring at his hand that is still placed on my knee. "How long ago?" His mood had changed completely showing some sort of compassion for the situation. "Three weeks. I haven't told Kenji yet." Shifting in my seat his hand never leaves my leg. "When do you plan to?"

The waitress appears and makes it even more awkward. My friends' hand leaves my leg as he folds them on the table. He orders water and then shoos her away since the air was tense surrounding us. Staring up at him I quiver. I just want to curl up in a ball and cry my eyes out. I've kept this secret for so long that it will take weeks for me to cry it all out. The heaviness was creeping its way back as I slumped forward, head in my hands as my elbows rested on the table. "I don't know. I try to tell him but I end up stopping. I don't want him to be disappointed in me." Small tears were pushing out of the brims of my eyes as I sniffled a few times.

"Jun." That's all he said before moving his chair right up against mine as his short arms hugged around my body. Forcing my chin up with his hand he wiped away at my tears with the sleeve of his hoodie. "He wouldn't be disappointed. It's not your fault." Shaking, I hold in the sobs that are pushing their way up my throat. I was a disappointment though. I have ruined our future together.

Again the waitress interrupted us but she soon saw my tears and didn't stay much longer. Short one kept his arms around me as a hand massaged my left shoulder. His attempt to clam me down. "He's going to think that I made it up to make him get back with me." I've seen too many girls do this and I know that is what he will think of me. That I'm a liar and that I'm just playing him.

"No he won't. Not if you're honest. You guys can always try again if that's what you want."

"But what if he doesn't want to? What if he thinks I'm worthless?"

"You know better than that. Kenji would never think like that. You're just assuming the worst."

"The worst is always what happens though."

Suddenly his arms left my torso and grabbed hold of my hands, grasping onto them as tightly as he could. "Kenji will not be disappointed in you. He cares about you more than that. You need to tell him, if you let this continue then I imagine he will be upset."

I hear his words but I wish I didn't. I wish this whole thing would go away. I wish Kenji could forget about me ever being pregnant and we could just go on with our lives. We could start over even, start from the beginning as if we had first met. To not be caught up in this mess that my body has created. Though that would never happen. Nothing can ever happen like that. The past still will linger in our minds.

Moving around I wipe the tears away with my palms trying my best to control myself. I had forgotten I was in public. Shou leaned back in his seat while looking at the people walk past us on the sidewalk. He seemed to be thinking and I didn't want to disturb him. I already burdened him with this information. I don't want to pile more on top of it. I picked up my cappuccino but the cup had lost its heat so I believe the liquid would have done the same. So I set it back down and instead traced my finger along the handle.

"You need to tell him tonight. If you don't I will." Shou spoke breaking the silence between us. My eyes watered again. God damnit. "Please don't." I pleaded, eyes wide gleaming with tears putting on my best show to look helpless. "No Jun. I can't keep something like that from him. So if you don't, I will. I'm sorry." Standing up he pushed his sunglasses back down to sit on the bridge of his nose. "I'll call him tomorrow morning to find out." As he said this he walked away from me, I should have expected this. Even if Shou was my close friend I shouldn't expect him to keep this secret for too long.

I sat there staring at my cup. I didn't know if I should stay and order another to waste some time or should I go and get this over with. There was no choice anymore. I was left with an ultimatum of sucking it up and telling Kenji myself or being confronted tomorrow morning about it. Both didn't seem pleasant. Sighing I dug in my pockets and found some bills and placed them on the table, the corners under the coffee cup. I needed to get this over with.

Outside the apartment I opened the dead bolt with my key and as I opened the door I was greeted by a heavenly smell. Kenji must already be home and cooking. "Is that you Jun?" He called from the kitchen as I slipped my shoes off at the door. "Yeah." I squeaked padding my way to the kitchen. Kenji was turned around tending to the full stove top. "I'm making your favorite." Grinning he looked up at me as he stirred some soup with a ladle and flipped a piece of chicken in a pan.

I placed my hand on his shoulder wanting to just confess to him right then and there. Something stopped me and I just kept my hand there, looking down at the food. "I have to talk to you about something…" I mumble biting on my own lip. "Can it wait till after dinner? I don't want our food to burn." Kenji chuckled before kissing the top of my hand. Nodding I take my hand away from him and lean my body against the counter next to him. We didn't say much but I didn't mind. I couldn't get my mind off of us losing the baby.

"Go rest, I'll let you know when it's ready." Kenji says to me with a soft smile. God why does he have to be so nice? After all the drama I caused after he cheated on me and then throwing the baby situation at him, he just never seemed to be angry about anything. I don't want to make him angry it's nice to see him peaceful for once. "Go, go. Lay down." He waves a hand at me trying to get me to leave his kitchen. Rolling my eyes I go over to the couch and curl myself up in the corner, why must I have to ruin this perfect moment of his.

Turning the TV on I try to distract myself but all I keep seeing are diaper, formula, and children's toy commercials. This was not helping my situation. So I shut the big screen off and just sat there staring down at the floor.

I don't know exactly how long I sat there, but I hadn't moved since shutting of the TV by the time Kenji called that dinner was ready.

"Don't get up though," he calls, "I'll bring it to you and we can eat in there."

A few moments later, Kenji entered the room, carrying a tray of delicious food with him. I love Kenji's cooking. I sat silently as he set a plate of chicken and rice in front of me, next to a bowl of tomato soup.

"Thank you, it looks great," I say, trying to return his smile. His smile falters as he takes in my expression. I can't look at him, so I turn away, knowing I have to tell him now.

"Jun? What's wrong?"

My eyes fill with tears at the tender worry in his voice. It hurts so much that I have to hurt him so much. His arms encircle me, pulling my body closer to him.

"Jun, what's wrong?"

"Kenji... Kenji, I-I," the tears start to leak out in spite of how hard I try to stop it.

"Take your time," he whispers, wiping the tears gently from my cheeks. He doesn't tell me not to cry, he never tells me not to cry. He always says if I need to cry, I should be allowed to cry. It's one of the things I love about him. He never tries to rush my feelings. He doesn't WANT me to cry, but if I have to he understands. I want nothing more than to wake from this nightmare. I want to hug him back, hold onto him tightly and never let go... but I can't. I have to tell him. I tell myself he deserves to know, he needs to know. I pull away a little, still unable to look him in the eye, take a deep breath and open my mouth to speak.

"Kenji, I lost... I lost the baby."

It's barely more than a whisper, but I finally managed to say it. I don't feel the same relief I felt when I told Shou, though. Instead of the dread of having to tell him, I feel the dread of his reaction. He hasn't said anything. I'm too scared to look. What if he hates me now? What if he thinks I'm disgusting? I try to believe in Shou's words of comfort, but at this moment, I'm so scared I don't know anything but the fear of him leaving me.

The silence presses on and it's a little too much for me to take. I peer up at him nervously. He's just sitting; staring into space looking like he'd been told something he couldn't understand... Which... I guess he had.

I leave my food untouched for now. My appetite is gone as the pain filled me once again. He doesn't look happy. My mind comes up with the worst of the worst possibilities. Him leaving, leaving me because he cannot handle this loss. Would Kenji ever speak to me again? What if we passed in the crowded streets, would he wave hello or even give me the slightest nod? Would all I have left to remember our separation on the loss of something special to us?

"Kenji." I start but don't finish. He grimaces at his name and continues to stare away from me. Eyebrows furrowed as if deep in though. I don't even try a second time. It's not worth the hassle. Standing I leave him there; I walk blindly to the bathroom because my eyes have begun to tear up. When I close the door behind me I press an eager ear to the door. To hear his footsteps coming after me. I am greeted with silence though. The gap in my heart just grew a bit more.

I needed to do something. Something to hide the sounds of sniffles and quick gasps for air that keep echoing. The only thing that comes to mind is a bath. I didn't really need one, this morning I bathed because I had wanted to cover up my sobs as I want to do now. Sitting at the tub's edge I turn the water on and let the bottom of the bathtub begin to fill. It's the only thing I could think of to get myself away from him. I needed time to calm down. To gather myself up to just fall apart when I faced him again.

Stripping off my clothes I leave them folded on the sink counter. Along with all my jewelry that sat neatly on top. I don't dare stare into the mirror; it will only lead me to more sadness. I don't need to add to this pain right now. The water has reached near the brim and just from its appearance it seems inviting. As I walked closer to the tub I heard footsteps go down the hall and into our bedroom. 'Well, that solves that mystery.' I say to myself as I place one leg into the tub, and then followed by my body. The warm water surrounding my aching form, maybe a bath was a good idea after all.

I lay there, letting my head loll back and forth. Listening to the crackling joints bounce off the walls around me. The silence was relaxing and making me feel a bit sleepy. Come to think of it I haven't slept well in the past few weeks. Maybe now I will be able to rest again. I bring my arms down into the water and let the warmth overtake me. It's comforting. I feel at ease.

The cool marble against my neck chills my head as the rest of my body felt warmth. The water wetting the ends of my hair. This did feel nice. Involuntarily I yawn, pressing my hand against my mouth. Soon I am fighting against my will as sleep threatens to take over my mind. Closing my eyes I made a promise to open them again in a few minutes but that seems impossible right about now. I can't fight this anymore.

Sudden cold engulfs me. My body shivering as the faint sound of my name rouses me to conciseness. Opening my eyes to small slits I stare at Kenji's face, turned away from me. My eyes roll back as I move my head against the marble. My world still in a daze. Shaking I clench my fists trying to control my actions. When did it get so cold in here?

Touching at my face I can feel Kenji's fingers tapping at my cheek. I mumble and pull away from his hand curling my body into a tight ball. "Let's get you in the shower. Before you catch a cold." Did he just speak to me? Or am I imagining this all? I thought Kenji was angry at me, why would he be so kind?

Forcing my eyes open, the bright lights make me squint. I nod in agreement because I do want to get out of this tub. My shaking fingers grasp the edges of the tub as I lift my frozen body out of the water. Kenji quickly grabbed at my arm to help me out of the tub and to guide me over to the shower. Why are you being so kind Kenji?

I stand there. Naked. Cold. Water dripping off my skin. My teeth chattered against each other while I wrapped my arms around myself. Leaning forward I press my forehead against his shoulder and close my eyes, listening to the water hitting the tiles of the wall. "This should warm you up." He fidgeted making my head fall from its spot. He turns the knobs and sticks his arm in before easing me under the shower head.

Warmth overtakes my body. Eyes closed I look up and let the water pound against my face. It felt so good, so inviting. I want to stay in here forever. Till I shrivel up like a prune. I still feel his presence, him watching over me. Moving away from the stream I look to Kenji, he has no expression other than concern. "Kenji." I breathe as the water runs over my lips.

Before I can even say his name again he has already stepped into the shower. Clothes and all. Pushing me against the cold tile wall, his body pressed against mine. Strong hands grab at mine to pull them above my head, pinning me with unneeded force. I dared to say his name again but he was making it near impossible with how urgently his mouth moved to capture mine. Swallowing my words before I could even say them. Kissing hard and moving fast.

Shocked I pull away trying to stifle some kind of protest but I don't have the time to. He pulls me back, prying my mouth open with his. Swiping his tongue against my teeth. I fight but my form is so much weaker than Kenji's. I'm a toothpick compared to a baseball bat.

Finally I tilt my head away gasping out a request to stop. My words being jumbled and sounding more like a hurt animal than human. Our eyes met and his baring the pain of my refusal through the flecks. The water plastering his hair to his face, clothes becoming soaked, clinging to his chest. "Just let me ok? Just let me. I don't want to think about it. Please don't do this right now. I need a pleasant memory before I fall asleep."

I go to speak but nothing arises. Gapping I struggle to find words to comfort him. There were none to show my feelings. Tangling my hands in his hair I pulled him down for another bruising kiss. I needed to show him with actions instead.

Sucking on my bottom lip he guided his hands over my body. Letting his fingertips glide over damp skin. Gripping hard at my arms that still remain over my head, my flesh slipping through his fingers no matter how hard he grasped. Moaning I push my hips against him, I wanted to forget everything. I wanted to remember this and only this. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe. Not with his lips so sealed over mine. Showing me his pain and frustrations with bruising force.

Taking my arms down I play with the hem of his shirt, a smile forming on my lips. I thought I had forgotten how to smile. I yank at the sopping wet fabric and he raises his arms. Kenji's skin leaving mine, leaving me so empty all of a sudden. Tossing the shirt it lands at the other end of the shower landing in a heap. I needed his body; I needed Kenji to show me how it feels to be happy again.

Pulling at him he grinds his clothed crotch against my hardening cock. It hurt slightly but I loved it. Moaning I wrap one of my legs around the bottom of his calf moving my hips roughly against his. Flat palms slick my hair back before those sinful lips lick at the shell of my ear. He's turning me into a moaning mess but that's what I want. Whispering lewd words against my ear he grabs my hands and placed them on his hard on, the wet fabric outlining everything he has to offer.

Not wasting another second I pop open the button of his pants and drag the zipper down. My mouth dancing along his neck making sure to leave a few marks. Quickly both of us push down at the waistband of his pants and underwear. Both too eager to drag this out any further. Kenji steps out of the pool of cloth and kicks them over to the side before pushing me against the wall again. The tile becoming heated by my flesh.

Hand around the back of my neck he forces me into another one of his kisses. These are different than any other. They're forceful, needy, sloppy, everything that I love. His hard cock rubbing feverously against my thigh. Pulling away from his lips I go to kneel but he grabs my arm and yanks me back up. "No, I won't last." Kenji turns me around, his dick rubbing between my ass cheeks. Grasping my hands he places them on the wall again before bending me in all sort of ways. Lips dragging against the back of my neck and into the crook of my collar bone. I begin to pant as those strong fingers graze down my sides, stopping at my thighs to spread my legs further apart.

He presses the tip against my entrance before moving away. Several times in fact. I whine loudly, pushing my ass against him trying to get him to give in to my pleas. "Fuck, Kenji. Hurry up." This voice is nothing like my own. I sound desperate and urgent. My body can't take much more of this. I have been denied for so long.

Kenji presses his body against mine, his chest touching my back. I can feel him grinning even though I have my eyes closed. I can tell because those little hairs on the back of my neck are standing up. "You sure I shouldn't prep you?" He grinded some more, his hands leaving my hips to touch at my nipples. Making me throw my head back and lay against his shoulder. "It's been awhile Jun." Those soft words were too much.

"Fuck-" I gasp trying to pull myself together. The moist air clogging my lungs. His thumbs flicking over the hardening nubs. "I don't give a fuck. Fuck me now." Where is this voice coming from? This isn't me. I feel his hand rub against the curve of my ass, teasing me more as I push against it. Turning my head I look back at Kenji as he strokes his cock, eyes staring down before flicking up to me. Just seeing his gaze catch mine makes a whine come forth before I feel him pressing against my entrance. Gritting my teeth I push myself back, pushing him inside me, feeling as if I was being torn in two. My eyes roll back as I stand still; I reach back and grip onto his arms to keep him from moving just yet.

His lips press against my ear, a low growl slipping out sending shivers throughout my body. I move against him despite the pain, it's nothing I can't handle. I spread my legs farther while Kenji leaves kisses down the side of my neck. I want to order him to move but it's not possible. I can't think long enough to come up with the right words to use. Feeling Kenji pull out I move back before he pushes me forward again, my head bumping against the tile wall as I hiss between clenched teeth.

He rams himself back inside, forcing me to take all of his cock at once. My body tenses but I continue to rock my hips back. Even through this pain I want more, I'm becoming desperate and needy as my legs open farther despite my muscles already pulling to their limit. The water still running down my side feels so cold all of a sudden making me shake, face buried in my hands against the tile.

Kenji groans, his voice bouncing off the walls of this small space. Fingers digging into my waist, trying to get some sort of grip as he thrusts forward. Letting his pace quicken because of how I make no effort to push him away. Palms drag down the inside of my thighs as Kenji bucks upward. My head moves away from the wall and falls back. The water stream pounding against the side of my face. Moans dancing from my lips because of how good all of this felt. It's been too long.

Back arching I groan as his hands spread my ass cheeks apart. Nails digging deep into my heated flesh. My hands ball into tight fists as I bite onto my knuckles trying to keep my screams to a minimum. Despite wanting to let myself go. The pace Kenji chose was making it all the more difficult. My teeth tore into my skin leaving the hint of metallic on my tongue.

Pushing me against the wall my cock drags against the tile. I gasp before he pulls me back, away from the small amount of pleasure that I was given. Fingers tangle into my matted hair, gripping tight and pressing my cheek against the cool marble. I see my hot breath fogging around my lips before my eyes shut tight. The angle is just right and I feel my dick throb. Hanging heavy and neglected this whole time as I bounce against him.

Thoughtlessly my hand drops down and grips at my arousal. Tugging at it while curving against Kenji, perking my ass up just for his view. Feeling his cock fill me completely. I want to look at him but I know if I do this will all end too soon. I don't want to lose this feeling. Even though I can feel the slight burn of my incoming orgasm.

Continuing to thrust back against Kenji I pump at my member. My moans becoming louder as Kenji grabs at me, pulling me harder against him as his hips snap forward. My eyes roll back as I gasp, muscles clenching around his hard cock sending me just over the edge. Whimpering I can't hold back any longer and feel myself come all over the wall, my seed sliding between my fingers. Ears ringing and I can feel my blood surging through my veins.

Kenji doesn't slow down though. His arm wraps around my waist fucking me senseless. Movements uncontrolled and un-rhythmic all in a need to rush himself to the end. His chest rests against my back; I can feel his heart race, his breath coming out in spurts before he cums inside of me. Cursing under his breath while rolling his hips, riding out the last bit of his orgasm. Forehead sliding against my wet back.

We stand there breathing heavily. Waiting for some sort of answer as to what to do next. Kenji back away, pulling out as I softly whimper to myself. Turning around I lean against the wall still trying to regain my breath. Kenji is under the shower head washing off all the evidence with a gentle smile hanging on his lips. In return I feel myself smile; it felt good to feel happy. I've been living in misery for weeks now. I thought it would never end. It has though. Maybe we can forget about the past and move forward. Maybe we can learn to be happy together again.

Pushing off from the tile I shove him out from under the water before taking his place. Both of us start laughing even as we fight like children. I begin to smile so much that it hurts, the sides of my face aching from the abuse. That won't stop me though, it's a good pain. Pain that will soon vanish once I can learn to accept happiness back into my life.

I just hope that I won't have to find this happiness alone.


End file.
